http://www.theonion.com/article/women-now-empowered-by-everything-a-woman-does-1398
Jun 18
http://www.theonion.com/article/women-now-empowered-by-everything-a-woman-does-1398
May 28
FADE IN:
INT. BAR — NIGHT
Crowded bar scene. MAN and WOMAN do the standard flirting thing, he buys her a drink, they dance, then exit. Their dialogue isn’t important — the bar’s too loud for us to hear much anyway. But it’s clear that both are willing to engage in the sex that follows.
INT. APARTMENT — LATER
They enter her apartment and move through it toward the bedroom, happily and heatedly, kissing, touching, and unbuttoning each other on the way.
INT. BEDROOM — CONTINUOUS
They are on the bed, then in the bed, which has a nightstand right beside it, then while intercourse is clearly occurring —
WOMAN
So, do you want a girl or a boy?
He stops mid-thrust.
MAN
What?
He pulls out. Grimaces at his limpness.
WOMAN
Well, you aren’t using any contraception, so it stands to reason you want a child. I mean, you must know that —
(she gestures vaguely)
MAN
(rolling off her; things are clearly over)
Of course I know — No, I don’t want a kid —
He’s up and dressing.
MAN (CONT’D)
I assumed you were —
WOMAN
Pretty important thing to just take for granted, isn’t it?
MAN
(his anger increasing)
What is this, some sort of trap?
WOMAN
Not at all. I’m okay with it. I mean, I’ll charge for incubation services, $50,000 is about standard, and then give you the kid, no strings —
MAN
I don’t want a kid!
WOMAN
Then why —
MAN
Because you’re the one who gets pregnant!
WOMAN
I realize that. And as I said, I’m okay with it. If you’re the one not okay with it, if you’re the one who doesn’t want this to be reproductive sex, then you’re the one who should be using contraception.
He says nothing as he continues to dress.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
Are you usually this adept at separating cause and effect? At not looking at the consequences of your actions?
He reaches for his jacket.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I mean, if you and a friend do a B & E together and he’s the only one who gets caught, you’re okay with that? You’d really not consider yourself equally responsible?
MAN
(quite angry now)
I’d consider myself lucky. Bitch!
He strides out of the bedroom.
WOMAN
(cheerily)
I’ll call you!
May 14
Size Matters, Peg TIttle
What if women were the taller sex? I suggest that this would make a difference in the power relationship between men and women. Ask any short man.
This short film is a five‑minute (approximately) collage of scenes from ordinary life. That is, ordinary life reversed ‑ one in which women are taller than men.
So every woman in the film must be taller than every man, except where specified; on average, the men should be 5’4″ and the women 5’10”. (Tap into women’s basketball and volleyball teams and men’s figure skating clubs and dance companies for extras.)
This is a silent film, though clearly dialogue is going on.
It is of utmost importance that the actors’ carriage not undermine the height difference. It should be mandatory for all actors to take a cross‑gender acting workshop.
For that reason, a woman should be director. Most women, more than most men, tend to be more aware of the nuances of body language that mark dominance and subordination. A woman director would thus be more apt to ask the actors to make the necessary corrections.
SCENES:
May 08
To all the men who let their mothers and wives do all the dusting, vacuuming, kitchen wiping, and bathroom scrubbing; to all the men who throw their garbage out of their cars and boats and ATVs and snowmobiles; and to all the men who ‘externalize’ the waste/disposal costs involved in doing (their) business — because it’s somehow emasculating to clean up after yourself, YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR DEFINITION OF ‘MASCULINE’. Because at the moment it’s very much like ‘infantile’ and ‘irresponsible’.
May 02
Thought I’d start reposting some of Twisty’s pieces (because, really, they need to be read again and again) (sigh).
http://blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2014/02/01/that-cant-be-sexual-assault-because-its-normal/
Apr 25
excerpted from Joanna Russ’ The Female Man:
…I wept aloud, I wrung my hands, crying: I am a poet! I am Shelley! I am a genius! … Lady, your slip’s showing. …
There is the vanity training, the obedience training, the self-effacement training, the deference training, the dependency training, the passivity training, the rivalry training, the stupidity training, the placation training. How am I to put this together with my human life, my intellectual life, my solitude, my transcendence, my brains, and my fearful, fearful ambition? I failed miserably and thought it was my own fault. You can’t unite woman and human any more than you can unite matter and anti-matter; they are designed to not to be stable together and they make just as big an explosion inside the head of the unfortunate girl who believes in both.
Do you enjoy playing with other people’s children-for ten minutes? Good! This reveals that you have Maternal Instinct and you will be forever wretched if you do not instantly have a baby of your own (or three or four) and take care of that unfortunate victimized object twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, for eighteen years, all by yourself. (Don’t expect much help.)
Are you lonely? Good! This shows that you have Feminine Incompleteness; get married and do all your husband’s personal services, buck him up when he’s low, teach him about sex (if he wants you to), praise his technique (if he doesn’t), have a family if he wants a family, follow him if he changes cities, get a job if he needs you to get a job, and this too goes on seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year forever and ever amen unless you find yourself a divorcee at thirty with (probably two) small children. (Be a shrew and ruin yourself, too, how about it?)
Apr 14
The Mr. America Pageant, Peg Tittle
(hoping there are some people out there looking for short feminist scripts, for film or stage!)
This is a parody of the Miss America Beauty Pageants. Basically, it’s a freeform collage of scenes (of indeterminate length – five minutes might suffice) similar to those one would see during the pageant, but all featuring male contestants instead of female contestants. Seeing men say and do such things is hilarious; why isn’t seeing women equally laughable?
Suggested scenes…
Apr 07
What is Wrong with this Picture?
This film consists of a collage of scenes, five to ten minutes in length), in which women are always the superordinates and men are always the subordinates. Dialogue isn’t that important, so once the scenes are decided upon and roughed out, the cast can probably improv rather than follow a script.
Suggested scenes:
Office: Woman in executive office summons her secretary, who is a man, who enters and politely inquires “Yes, m’am?” She says something like “Ask Ms. Jordan to come to my office, then bring us coffee, please, and hold all calls.” He nods in subordinate fashion and exits.
Boardroom: Seated around the table discussing important matters are, every one of them, women.
Hospital scene: Female doctors and male nurses and clerks.
University: Female faculty and male support staff.
Bank: Male tellers; occupants of individual offices are all women.
Courtroom: Judge, lawyers, and security are women; clerk is male.
Golf course: Only women are playing.
Office: Woman executive directs her male assistant to call her husband and tell him she’ll be late for dinner.
Home: Househusband answers the phone, surrounded by cloying, annoying kids, and shows irritation at the message.
Fancy restaurant: Several women dine together and discuss business.
Doctor’s office: Female doctor giving embarrassed man a physical, which includes a close examination of his penis as well as a rectal examination.
Househusband taking kids to the dentist: The waiting room is full of fathers and kids; the receptionist is male, as is the dental hygienist; the dentist, who breezes in for the authoritative final check of the hygienist’s work, is female.
Househusband grocery shopping: All of the other shoppers and all of the checkout cashiers are men; a woman is in the manager’s office.
Home: Husband sets the table and brings out the dinner he has prepared; kids and mother sit waiting; perhaps the woman offers to help, but the offer isn’t really genuine and is brushed aside. with a smile.
Guests for dinner: Two male-female couples are sitting at a dinner table; the conversation is dominated by the women who talk about politics; the two men are silent, though they look supportive from time to time and interject supportive comments, questions to let the women shine; one of the women says something like “Let’s let the boys clean up, shall we?” and the two women retire to the living room for drinks and more conversation.
Office lunchroom: All and only men sit in small groups talking about their kids, the need for an on-site daycare, their failure to obtain promotions, their bosses; a sweet male voice comes over intercom “Danny, Ms. X would like to see you right away”, at which Danny grimaces but gets up and leaves the room.
Car: Woman at the wheel, man in the passenger seat.