Motherhood is unfair to women in a way fatherhood most definitely is not. Not only are there the physical risks (pregnancy and childbirth puts a woman at risk for nausea, fatigue, backaches, headaches, skin rashes, changes in her sense of smell and taste, chemical imbalances, high blood pressure, diabetes, anemia, embolism, changes in vision, stroke, circulatory collapse, cardiopulmonary arrest, convulsions, and coma), there’s the permanent damage to one’s career: if she stays at home, the loss of at least six years’ experience and/or seniority; if she doesn’t, the loss of a significant portion of her income, that required to pay for full-time childcare. (And even if she can swing holding a full-time job and paying for full-time childcare, she probably won’t get promoted because she typically uses all ‘her’ sick days, she’s reluctant to stay past 5:00 or to come in before 9:00 or on weekends, and she occasionally has to leave in the middle of the day, perhaps even in the middle of an important meeting. In short, she can’t be counted on. Such a lack of commitment.) Continue reading
If he changes a diaper, he’s father of the year.
If he cooks something, anything, he’s a chef.
If he marries, but otherwise continues to live pretty much as he has to that point, he’s suddenly respectable.
If he continues to pay a child’s ball game into adulthood, he gets paid a six figure salary.
If he gets a B.A., he’s an expert in his field.
If he writes a book full of incoherence and grammatical mistakes, he gets (edited and then) published.
We don’t expect men to pick up after themselves.
We don’t expect them to be sensitive to other people’s emotions, or even be aware of their own.
We don’t expect them to be aware of, let alone appreciative of, natural beauty.
We don’t expect them to be interested in children.
We don’t expect them to be in control of their sexual impulses or their aggressive impulses.
“For guys who inexplicably want to do the thing that makes babies without wanting to support the inevitable babies, the obvious solution would be child support insurance — 0 to 18 plus college and professional school to say, age 30. They would have to sit down with their insurance agent and describe their sex lives in detail so that an appropriate premium could be calculated. Women could ask to see guys’ proof of insurance just as if they were Highway Patrol. In case of pregnancy women would receive regular monthly checks, without having to see chumpass motherfucker again. Letting his insurance company support his child would likely raise a guy’s rates into the stratosphere, however, making future intercourse prohibitively expensive.”
Hector B. May 31, 2010 I Blame the Patriarchy
It’s not just an enthusiastic spillover of violence and aggression. The act of sexual intercourse is too specific, too far removed from the other acts of wartime violence and aggression. Shooting a person twenty-five times instead of once or twice would be such a spillover; forcing your penis or something else into a woman’s vagina is not. Furthermore, war rape is often not a spontaneous, occasional occurrence; apparently it’s quite premeditated and systematic. Continue reading
It’s Monday night basketball, an all-comers pick-up game, supposed to be fun and a good sweat. But week after week I steel myself against the anger, the frustration of not knowing how to correct the problem, and the despair of not being able to even begin to do just that. Eventually it happens: this time it’s Josh who yells at me to switch, to guard the new grade niner who’s just come onto the court to sub for the guy who’d been guarding Josh and Josh would guard the guy I’d been guarding.
I am distracted, as always, by the insult, the unwarranted assumption that I’m always the worst player there (even worse than the new grade niners) (although I’m thirty-five and played basketball for all of grade nine, and ten, eleven, twelve, and thirteen), and by the faulty logic that weak offensive players* are weak defensive players and should therefore guard other weak offensive players. Continue reading
At one time, bank tellers and secretaries had a certain prestige – the time when such positions were held by men. Schoolteachers used to be schoolmasters – before women entered the classroom. People who boast that many doctors in Russia are women fail to mention that doctoring in Russia, well, someone’s gotta do it.
The thing is this: whenever women enter an occupation, it becomes devalued. It loses glory. It loses funding. It loses media coverage. It becomes unpopular, even invisible. So if we were serious, really serious, about ending war, we’d fill the military ranks with women. When becoming a soldier has about as much appeal as becoming a waitress (another archetype of the service sector industry) –
An added bonus would be that if the enemy army were (still) male, they’d start killing themselves. Because better that than be killed by a woman. It would certainly save on ammunition.
On the other hand, if the enemy army were (also) female, well, more often than not, the wars would probably just sort of fizzle out into some sort of stalemate. We just don’t have the equipment for pissing contests. But since no one would really care, or even know, because it would be a woman thing, well, that’d be okay. We could live with that.
I bet a man came up with that term as well.
But what most intrigues me here is how? I mean, what exactly made the first man to introduce the term think that approaching a woman for, what, a date? sex? was like hitting (on) her???
It does not bode well when the very initiation of a relationship is imbued with violence even in the terminology.
Great post here at gendertrender. https://gendertrender.wordpress.com/2011/04/20/life-size-barbie-scary/
Is it wrong for me to love most the line “If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours”?
So I’m noticing that although there are a lot of registered users here, no one’s commenting. And that’s cool. I guess everyone’s just lurking. Wait a minute. LURKING?? Who the fuck came up with that name for sitting quietly at the edge of the room, just listening to what’s being said, deciding not to speak up until one has something worthwhile to contribute?
Lurking is what one does prior to invading, prior to breaking and entering. Or, as the case may be here, entering and breaking.
So, yeah, I’m gonna go with “A MAN came up with ‘LURKING’.”
I recently read The Fourth Procedure by Stanley Pottinger, in which, during a surgical procedure, a man is given a uterus containing a fertilized egg. He is enraged when he finds out, afraid that if it becomes public knowledge he’ll be a laughingstock. Turns out he’s right. But I don’t get it. What’s so funny about a man getting pregnant?