Why more men than women will die of the COVID virus:
1. Cleanliness is a girl thing. Real men don’t wash their hands. (Certainly not several times a day.)
2. The home is the women’s cave. So unless it comes with an attached garage, real men aren’t going to stay there all day. (Certainly not all week, let alone all month …)
3. Many of the public health officials we’re hearing from are women. Real men don’t listen to women. They certainly don’t accept their advice.
4. Most men think they’re tough, so they figure they’re not going to get it. (As if toughness, rather than, oh I don’t know, a diet high in fruits and vegetables, and low in beer and cigarettes, has anything to do with immunity to viral infections.)
5. Most men are pack animals; they naturally herd together. So they’re finding this whole do-not-congregate thing really hard.
Why more women than men will die of the COVID virus:
1. The men they’re living with will get angry and frustrated (at whatever) and as a result kill them. (Because, you know, it’s their fault.)